American Idol Top Ten Tour. Don't be yealous.

SO, those of you who know my mother know she is a major American Idol groupie. She is faithful to every season, without falter. I'll get a random text from her on a Tuesday night saying, "Oh my gosh, wasn't that amazing?!" and I'll know I'm missing AI and that I'd better go tune in. So my sisters and I surprised her with concert tickets to the top ten tour! And it was AMAZING!! In fact my voice still has not yet recovered, I haven't had it for the past week since we went. Mother dear was under the impression that she was flying down to Phoenix to babysit while my sister and hubby got away for a night, and couldn't really figure out why Vanessa and I where there, too. She was a little befuddled, but throwing her off a scent is like taking candy from a baby (which I've done many many times, and can attest to the ease of the task). You should have seen her face when we told her, "We haven't been exactly honest with you about the reason you're here," and handed her the 4 concert tickets. There was an absurd amount of screaming and flailing of limbs, (I think my nephew got knocked out by a run away back hand) and then she promptly burst into tears and burst her bladder. Ok she didn't really pee her pants, but I wish she would have. Just for the story telling sake of it.

At Bethany's house before leaving the two sitters with 6 children for several hours. (Don't you worry about them. They've recovered splendidly. And they had their bread buttered for sure that night).

In line to get some treats. Look how excited my mom is to get her mitts on some red vines. Giddy as a school girl all night long.

Lots of rocking out and tasting the rainbow. Things got especially invigorating when mom swan dove into the fans beneath us for a little crowd surfing. The sad part was, they happened to be all sitting down at the time and she blindsided several of them. Consequently a law suit is now in progress. Totally worth it though.

I know some of you may think Siobhan was maybe a little weird during the season. But let me tell you, she was our absolute FAVORITE performer. She was amazing. We all started mosh pitting and convulsing during her performances, especially Paint it Black. An utter phenom.

There's that charmer, Casey. Break me off a piece of that! So I can give it to someone single. And when Mike came back out and joined him for, "To really love a woman"?!? PLEASE. Talk about swoon city. The awkward part between Casey and I happened backstage after the show when he actually told me he could see his unborn children in my eyes. I had to let him know gently that it was in fact just a cataract I've been suffering from for some time, and asked if he knew any good eye doctors. He ended up being surprisingly helpful.

Oh Lee... Lee, Lee, Lee. Love that rasp. And those extra 10 pounds you've put on since the season aired. Who can blame you?

'Twas a night to remember on all accounts. Love love loved it.

The Art of Fugly-Face Making

*Viewer discretion is advised. Some content of this post may be unsuitable for small children. Or the faint of heart...Or the weak of stomach.*

Everyone knows the all too familiar photo shoot scenario, particularly in family settings, when someone yells out, "Make a funny face!" And what most everyone knows about this, (but what some refuse to come to grips with) is that by "funny", we mean, "the most heinously unattractive face you can muster". Yes yes folks, that's of course what we mean.

Now, we also all know those who refuse to make an ugly face for a photograph.

Perpetrators found in both bottom corners of this photo:

And this one...

While there are many perpetrators in this one, the biggest perpetrator of all is found dead center:

And in this one here below, Vanessa almost got called out for the ugly-face-while-still-trying-to-look-pretty-face. Only because I know she has so much more potential than this. But we let it slide. After slapping her pregnant belleh.

Now people, when you hear these words, (to be read in slow motion) "Maaaaake-a-funny-faaaaaaace..." you have a choice. You can cringe at the thought, and run away from it. You can cringe and quiver in fear over the what-ifs involved (What if my ex-boyfriend sees this? What if someone thinks this is really what I look like? What if my husband's ex-girlfriend sees this? What if my face gets stuck like this forever? Does my overall attractiveness decrease because of this photograph??) OR (and this is the vision I have for all of us) you can embrace the fugly face. You can accept that it is part of you, the good, the bad and the ugly. You can become one with it. You can stare the fear of making a hideous face for the camera in the eye- and you can overcome that fear. And you can be liberated- forever. You can live in a world that you don't feel compelled to run over and check what the picture looks like after every time someone snaps one of you. That can be you, my friend.

I know, I know... I've had to evolve myself with fugly-face making. It hasn't always been easy. It's been a long and difficult road. For example, the day I married Jason. I thought somehow that making a weak funny/ugly face in my wedding gown would be more appropriate. Like I would be a more respectable bride. So this is all I did:

And I lost respect for myself that day. Turns out, it wasn't ugly at all, nor was it funny. It was just me still trying to be pretty. Shameful.

Or how about before that, when Jason and I were just getting back together, (still trying to impress each other) on a road trip I was given the infamous instructions to, "make an ugly face!!" And this was the best that I could come up with?:

I knew deep down inside I had so much more to give. So much more contortion possible. I knew I had sold myself out. Weak effort, Meradith. I'm not proud of this moment either.

Let's start with some fugly-face making basics. There are some things that everyone can do to help themselves out. First, and easiest step, create a double chin. I don't care how stickly thin you are, a double chin is ALWAYS possible. Always lurking in the shadows, waiting for her moment to shine. Let her shine, baby.

Second step, curl your lips in and bare your teeth, squirrel style. You might wanna get in front of a mirror and practice this one a few times, doesn't come quite as easily as a double chin. Our friend Dave demonstrates beautifully:

Thirdly, do something strange with your eyes. I've been able to do what I like to call chameleon eyes a time or two, and that's when your eyes shoot out simultaneously in opposite directions, but I couldn't find any documentation. Crossing eyes can be funny, but only with the addition of other fugly contortions. Prime example of a true talent:

Vanessa's otherwise stunningly flawless face transformed. Look at the creation of the double chin. Look at the contortion of the mouth. And the eyes are the perfect touch. Alone they wouldn't be much, but in addition to... it's perfect. It's utterly magical.

An easy but fun go-to route is a fake cry. Fake cries present unique fugly-face opportunities.

So if you've got nothin' else, go for that.

Now, there is one person I will make special mention of that is ever constant, ever faithful to fugly-face making. And I've never even pulled him aside and given him a single tip.

Ever constant...

Ever faithful...

Brother-in-law Steve. A born natural.

Perfectly wonderful, boring sister photo shoot opportunities, enhanced and made much more memorable:

The culmination of all fugliness tied up into one sisterly masterpiece. Note the chins. Note the mouths. Note the glazed over eyes. True artistic genius:

Brother Abe getting in on the action. 'Atta boy!:

And last but certainly not least, some of my best work up to date. It took an unbelievable amount of concentration, but I actually willed that facial hair to appear. The happy couple just weeks after being wed:

You show me a person who will throw caution to the wind and contort a normal face to something that elicits dry-heaving, and I will show you a BFF for life.

The Revealing

Alright. Before going private with this baby, I wanted to give you this.

www.randomtangentry.blogspot.com

So add it to your blog list!

P.S. I'm sorry I keep talking about going private and then putting it off. The cutting and pasting of email addresses is tedious. Either way I'm starting to annoy myself talking about it. P.P.S. Don't hate me because I'm going private. I say this because when my blog friends have gone private in the past, I've always thought it was a bit irritating for some reason. Maybe because it's kindof a pain to have to sign in every single time you want to read a blog. Forgive it. If for nothing else, because I was up most of the night with a tiny congested sweetheart, and because I have spit up running down my arm and leg at this very moment. And that's all I'll say about it. Hope you will enjoy Random Tangentry. It will be fun for us. And those of you who have left your email addresses, I hope you'll continue to enjoy Sweet Consistency!

And something else I've been meaning to post about, that I'm piggybacking on this post...

Remember the broken into sunflower seed bags that we found down in our crawl space? and the seed shells that were mysteriously arranged so nice and tidy? The ones that led us to our mouse suspicion? As it turns out, it was no mouse at all. We discovered it was him:

Meet Daniel! The newest addition to our family!

Just kidding. We really did have a mouse, and we caught it. This Daniel is the genius man we hired to transform our little dingy cement crawlspace...

Into this...

4 foot tall jungle room full of toys= kid heaven. 4 foot tall jungle room where we can put all the toys instead of having them in the family room= parent heaven. LOVE it. Complete with their own little door and their own little staircase that leads down there. When it was finished, Lucy went down and ran around in circles screaming her head off for no less than 15 minutes. I may have gotten a little carried away when I told my 4 year old niece that it's a Chamber of Secrets where Nagini lives... and we have to feed her live rodents (she promptly started crying). But all in all, it's been a fabulous addition to the house and so fun! So come over and bring your babies.

Daniel is available for hire. And he knocked this baby out- dry wall, carpet, paint, electricity, heat, etc, etc, etc... in no more than 3 weeks. Pretty amazing.

Now, don't get so overwhelmed with drunken happiness while looking at the jungle animals that you forget the real purpose of this post. www.randomtangentry.blogspot.com. My sister is co-writing it with me, and she will make your face fall right off from laughter. That doesn't sound too desirable, but it's a surprisingly pleasant sensation.

So it turns out...

...going private is a real drag. It's been more time consuming than you think, the gathering of emails and all that jazz, and there are certain restrictions that come along with private blogs that I didn't realize. Thank you to all for leaving your addresses, here or on FB. (Those of you whom I know, and those of you I would like to. :) Anywho, the family blog is on its way to being private but I think I'll start another public one just for my random tangeants and retardedness. The private one with pictures of the babies and journaling, and a public one that I'll never ever show my grandkids. It's gonna be that innappropriate, folks. And my identity will be secret. So I can tell you intimate details of my marriage and my deepest darkest sins and you won't know who I am. JK about all of that. That'd be so awkward. Actually, JK only about the intimate details and secret identity part. I'll keep you posted. I'm figuring out all the details before revealing it, kinda like Zoolander's Magnum. I will say that the new blog is gonna blow your friggin' minds. So get ready.

(My dad has said "friggin'" all of my life, and...let's face it, the word is utterly horrendous. "Friggin'"? Really??? I remember him saying it, being totally serious, when I was a teen and he'd get mad and me and my sisters would try our hardest not to laugh. Oh beloved Papa. You can't say friggin' if you want people to take you seriously.)

And now, pictures from our jaunt to Seattle. (Sorry I'm a few weeks behind with this post Cathy!) If you haven't been to this glorious city, please go soon. I love this place. Jason's sister (Cathy) was a most gracious host indeed. As always!

Down on the waterfront in Kirkland. Just look at this Super Daddy. Purrrr.

Here we are below, eating crab and halibut at Salties... beautiful view of downtown Seattle. Except I didn't get to touch the food while we were there. This shot was taken right before I was pooped on by one baby and peed on by the other. By the time I had Scarlett calmed down and cleaned up, (she ended up chillin only in her diaper- a little dub-T for my style but whatever), I realized Lucy had messed herself. That's when my eyes turned red and bulged out of my head. I turned to my dear husband and demonically said, "BOX. IT. UP," and fled the restaurant without looking back. We got back to Cathy's, I fell asleep on her bed while nursing, woke up again at 11 pm, and ate my delicious boxed up seafood dinner. I may or may not have shed a tear or two. Motherhood is that glamorous, don't you dare let me fool you.

Next up: Bite of Seattle festivities. Never seen so many people in one place hovering for food. Unless you count around the free samples at Costco. (BTW what is with people and those samples? All vile behavior is permissible when it comes to free samples? Pushing, shoving, racing while ramming your huge double seater shopping cart into peoples' ankles? And how you always have to pretend to be really interested in the product they have on display? Any time I wanna feel really good about myself, I go watch the way people behave with the free samples at Costco.)

Not just food, but little rides too! First time behind the steering wheel:

Wind in her hair, complete exhilaration.

Fighting Dad to get down and back to that dream ride.

Not sold on merrie-go-rounds. I think she thinks she's too old for it.

Wasn't exactly sold on this ride either.

Jason fit right in on this ride. It was calling his name the moment we got there.

And just look at that Lucy's face of pure elation

Look at Lucy admiring and learning from that Daddy- how to properly challenge a little stranger to a stare down.



I love me some Seattle!! Love it!