Wow. Here we are in the middle of March. I really can't explain the blur that's been the past four and a half months since Tessa was born… or the past several months of craziness before that. But I'm here to tell you about the day Tessa Jase came into the world. I'm late, and I'm sorry. Someday she'll be looking through a blog book and wondering how it could have taken me this long to be able to sit down and write about that wonderful day, and if she's wondering that, sitting there judging me, I know it'll be before she has four kids herself. I don't love you any less, Tessa! In fact, right now you're my very favorite. It's just a zoo over here at all times. I'm the fourth born child as well and I turned out okay and never felt unloved or neglected. So there's my consolation.
Jason and I had scheduled an induction with Tessa, something we've never done with our other babies. But he was going through a horrendously strenuous time at work with a merge of another company into Northstar and we felt better about having it scheduled. I will spare you all of the boring details of that business mumbo jumbo, but I will say, it was Sunday morning, October 26th, 2014 at about 6:15 AM that we headed into the hospital. It was surreal. As much as I wanted a good nights sleep beforehand, I woke up so many times looking at the clock. I had been waking up all night to use the restroom for months but this night seemed to be worse. Guess it was the nerves. Back to it being surreal- I'd never shown up to an appointment to have a baby. It kind of felt like I was walking in somewhere and saying yeah I'd like a double cheeseburger with an order of fries… and I'll have my baby too I guess. It felt weird. I'd never known the day before we'd be meeting our baby the following day. Crazy. I'd been having lots of contractions but they weren't consistent enough to really have me in full blown labor. I was dilated to a 2.5 and 80% effaced at my previous doctor's appointment. I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant and it was actually going to be the most relaxing Sunday that Jason had had for some time, being Bishop and all. I was happy that he got to relax that Sunday. That's a joke. I mean, it was nice to just be together but you're not really happy for anyone who gets to relax when you're in labor. Especially not the one other person who was responsible for the whole ordeal. Just doesn't seem right.
Well, we headed up the elevator to labor and delivery with another couple. Her water had broken, kind looking blonde little zoobie couple. They looked so young to me. It was their first baby. I wanted to start having a major diarrhea of the mouth session telling them everything they could anticipate and what it's like watching your baby grow into a child and all of the sleepless nights and poo smeared in weird places. But I didn't. So I said, "Good luck! you'll do great!" instead. It's like how the "tenured" MTC missionaries look at the fresh missionaries entering the MTC. You think you're so experienced and wise and the little newbies are wearing their "dork dots" on their name tags to let everyone know that it's their first day. And you sort of think they're cute and you also pity them and think, "they have no idea what they're in for." It was like that with this newbie soon-to-be parents couple. I just wanted to pinch their cheeks. Then you find out once you actually hit the mission field how ill-prepared and clueless you were when you felt all sure of yourself. I'm sure that's just around the corner with teenage years. Actually, Scarlett alone makes me feel like that a whole lot right now.
So that couple got all checked into the front desk of labor and delivery and we signed in but were asked to take a seat since her water had broken and she had priority, deservingly so. We sat there next to each other and chit chatted and giggled and watched the strangest movie on TV that was supposed to be a Halloween show for kids… but it was really quite disturbing. And Jason fell asleep on my shoulder. That's right. Here I was about to give birth and he saw it fit to snuggle up on, use me as his human pillow and snooze away. I was uncomfortably frozen for a while, you know how it is when someone sacks out on top of you. I was starting to cramp up a bit trying not to move so I didn't wake him. And then I thought about the situation and gave myself permission to in fact move and wake him. I mean I had earned at least that at this point, right? And then I busted his chops a bit about that and we had a good hearty laugh. In the meantime two additional couples had been rushed back in full blow labor, all of them whose water had broken. What are the chances, right? So there I sat patiently waiting for my turn, the nurses checking in on me regularly. But then I felt like upon realization that I wasn't actually in labor but waiting for an induction, they wanted to scream at me to, "Get to the back of the bus, chop liver!"So there we remained for some time.
We finally got into our room and things set up just before 8 AM, had my IV and pitocin started by 9:30ish. And we were in business, baby.
Labor was so much longer than I thought it would. I guess I just assumed that by number 4 my body would just kick rear and take names. But the fact I was induced made things just go slower because apparently my bod wasn't quite ready to give that baby up. So we played tug-o-war for several hours. When I was checked in I was dilated to a 3 and 100% effaced but it literally took FOREVER to get dilated further. The anesthesiologist came in around 1 pm to give me my epidural and he had forgotten to set it up for a continuous flow initially. So a couple of hours later, when I was feeling tons of intense and painful contractions and still able to do synchronized swim moves with my legs, I knew something was awry, even with as graceful as my moves were. I let the nurses know and he bustled back in apologetically and fixed me up real good right away. Then at about 4 they checked me and I was only at 5 centimeters. 5!! I cried. Because my body was so tired and I was starving! Then at around 4:45, (45 minutes later), I told the nurse I needed a bowl and that I was going to throw up. She said to me, "I bet you're completely dilated," which I thought was strange. Then she told me sometimes mothers get a real wave of serious nausea when they're to 10 cm. Sure enough, they checked me, I was to 10 centimeters, and my doctor said, "You ready to have this baby?" YES!!! And have five thanksgiving dinners ready to roll in once she's out, please.
I pushed twice. And out she came at 5:04 pm, weighing in at 7 pounds 14 ounces, 19 inches long. She was every bit as beautiful as I knew she would be. She looked just like she belonged to me, just like I expected her to. She didn't cry quite as much as Isla or Lucy did but a little more than Scarlett. It was the softest sweetest little cry.
Per usual, Grammy and Grandma were both there for the delivery. They had joined the party around 2 pm with lunch for Jason and I had ordered everyone out to enjoy their lunch together while I crunched my ice chips all alone. It was a rare treat to have both Grandpas waiting at the hospital as well to see her and both burst into tears when they came into the room and laid eyes on her. Such a sweet moment.
Sisters had been with Julie and Mervis for most of that day and were so over the moon excited to see baby. Here they are watching her get worked over by the nurse. I was back in the room at this time inhaling an enormous amount of food.
Tessa Jase, I have so much more to tell you about these first few months of your life. You have been the most perfect addition to our anxiously awaiting family. Your sisters dote on you like nothing I've ever seen and you have a most wonderful little temperament. You are so loved. You are so important.You are such a glorious piece to our family puzzle.
