I have been thinking about things and people lately that haven’t crossed my mind for a long time. The magnitude of becoming a mother has inspired so many thoughts and feelings! I am home during the day allowing my body to recuperate and am forced to give myself time to really think. I hold my child in my arms; I look at her and think about so many things. I think about the crossroads in my life that have led me to this point. I reflect upon the seemingly insignificant decisions of my life that have been nowhere close to insignificant or trivial at all. They have

been frighteningly pivotal.

For example, a series of these"coincidences" led me to Jason, and him to me. His sister Becky was my roomate. We happened to move into the complex that she wanted to live at as well, and then we had to have a room available in order for her to move in, etc, etc, etc. So many things happened throughout our courtship and history that were unbelieveably... serendipitous. The decision to marry him was undoubtedly the best choice I ever made, and what tremendous impact it will have on my entire life, my eternity, and generations to come. It hurts my brain sometimes to think about. Kinda like thinking about

the size of the universe, if you catch me.

I reflect upon the people in my life; so many that have entered casually and exited it with the same amount of nonchalance. However, again, looking back now I realize profoundly that there was nothing casual about those encounters with specific individuals. So many came into my life precisely when I needed them, and so many have since softly faded out. I think about how much I really did need them and how amazingly mindful the Lord has been throughout the years of the people I have needed to learn lessons from and when I needed them. Whether it be close friends I have had, or guys I dated, or classmates of mine through the various semesters of schooling, mission companions, or work acquaintances that suddenly became much more to me than mere acquaintances. Maybe it was a longtime relationship we've shared or just a one-time conversation that caused a paradigm shift; helped me see the world in a different way and turned out to be extremely impactful on me. It's interesting, the fact that I’ve lost contact with some through the years doesn’t change or diminish how much I needed them in the moment that they were in my life. I suppose that is just life; the majority of people we have contact with come and go and we walk the road together for just a moment. They still mean a great deal to us. We are forever changed because of those "chance" encounters.

I envision the life that Lucy has laid out in front of her, in awe at the fact that she has her entire road ahead of her. Jason and I talk about it all the time. She is just now beginning. We wonder about her spirit; who she is and who she will become as she matures and learns during her time here. I wonder about the people who the Lord will send her way that she will need to learn from, and that she in turn will teach and touch.

Right now she is completely dependent upon Jason and me for absolutely everything she needs to sustain her life. She is so helpless and innocent. The only way she will learn and grow as a person is by being exposed to those things I want to protect her most from; experiences that will bring her pain and sorrow. Talk about a paradox.

Don't you love this life? Aren't you amazed at the capacity we have for joy even through trials and challenges? Isn't it amazing how our ability to feel and experience and endure is ever deepening and widening? Aren't you grateful for the people you've shared with in your life, past and present?? I guess I am just becoming increasingly more aware of how involved my Father in Heaven is in the daily little mundane details of my life. I guess I am realizing that there really is hardly anything little or insignificant, period. And at the end of the day we are constantly weaving something new into our intricate tapestry; whether we're conscious of it or not. I do love this life. And to say we love this little girl is the most unfair understatement. We had no idea we could feel like this.

Sometimes it all seems too good to be true.