Okay it's 6:30 AM. Scarlett and Lucia have been sleeping in the same room recently and it's been going relatively smoothly. But Scarlett woke up screaming for some reason at 3 AM and sent Lucy into the fritz as well. So Lucy ended up in bed with me downstairs and Jason ended up in bed with Scarlett upstairs. Crawled right into her crib with her. No, I don't think that happened. But the point is, I was thinking, Well at least Scarlett might sleep in because she's been up in the night. She is our maniac who rises before the sun and wakes the entire family up. But guess who was climbing into my bed in the pitch blackness of night, traipsing across her sleeping sister (kneeing her in the face while she was at it) and waking snoozing baby Isla in the crib on the other side of my bed in the process in the wee hours of the morn? Guess who came into our room at 6:15 AM nonetheless, slamming the door behind her as she entered and immediately began loudly demanding to play on my phone? Sigh. Big, long sigh.
So I'm sorry I've been neglecting you blog and blogging world. I'm trying to get the last few pounds of baby weight off and have been attempting the P90X videos. MWF Lucy goes to preschool the same time Scarlett naps so this really is my only window of opportunity. So I have a choice of blogging or doing my work out because both just will not happen. So I guess you could say I've been cheating on you with Tony Horton. But he annoys me a lot now and I could basically go along with all of the dialogue in the videos word for word and I just don't want to be the kind of person who can do that to work out videos. So Lucy and Isla and Jason are snoozing. Scarlett is playing a puzzle game. And I'm here trying to make amends with you.
I've been thinking about amusing things lately- not Scarlett's inability to sleep in regardless of how late she goes to bed/how much she is up in the night. Not amused by that at all. But other things. I realized that seriously entertaining things happen in my life every day. I think they happen in all of our lives but oft times we don't take the time to stop and revel and really appreciate them. I would never want to be a reality TV star, but I think I just might have enough good material. My sister Vanessa has been in town these last two weeks and so maybe that's why everything has been so funny to me. Mostly because she's such a deeply dark and disturbed person, like the way Jerry pretends to be on that one episode of Seinfeld because George asks him to be in front of this new girl he likes (remember the Chinese lawyer?) Well that really is my sister's personality. And so I guess what I'm saying is being around someone so glum and depressing is making me realize how I take the laughter and joy in my life for granted. Okay okay, that's all made up, but the real point of this paragraph is sometimes I want to ask Nessa to be dark and disturbing when I introduce her to people, because I'm like, "Look, these people think I'm pretty funny". But that never works, and I always go grab a drink in the other room and come back to everyone splitting their sides over what she just said, and I'm that annoying person trying to talk over the ear deafening roar of laughter, going from person to person like, "What was that?? I missed it... What'd she say?" and then Nessa throws a bowl of peanuts into her face and does a blue dart and everyone is literally coming unglued laughing. (If you don't know what scene I'm talking about, I don't know if we can be friends.)
I just want more people to see how entertaining the seemingly every day monotony of life is. You can find it if you try. For example, I took the girls up to Alpine this week to hang with Nessa and co and her step-mother-in-law who is one of the best people on the planet. She's hilarious, but the best part is that she doesn't try to be or really know she is. Her name is Kathy. Well, Kathy made a delectable strawberry milkshake for the kids and everyone turned it down flat. Scarlett never would have but she was napping, I'll note. But 3 four-year-olds turned their noses up to it and couldn't be persuaded. And this was infuriating to her. We all stood back as she tried to friendly coerce our little ones to Just try it! Just one little sip! You'll love it! and by the time the third one wouldn't, she threw her hands up in the air and without a hint of sarcasm said, These kids are idiots... and a few moments later said, I don't know why your kids are so retarded, I mean I have a down syndrome grandson who would definitely drink this milkshake... he's the least retarded of them all. I almost choked when that one came out. And then a little bit later she was watching me bounce Isla up and down and said, She is so cute! Can I tell you about the only Isla I've ever known in my life? with a smile on her face. But then it turned out her friend Isla was a woman of 500 pounds, basically immobile and lost her two sons in a freak accident when they were teenagers. And she never ever changed their bedrooms at all after that, for the rest of her life. Vanessa and I listened to this story with Oh that's so sad, that's just awful. Talk about a Debbie Downer. After a moment of all of us wiping tears away from our eyes I said, Let's all just hope this baby Isla has the same kind of joy ahead of her in life. But then Kathy went on to tell us about several more people who lived on her street who have died in awful ways, and she would say, Oh she was the kind of person everyone loves, warm and bubbly and so talented in so many ways... but then her husband found her DEAD AS A DOORKNOB, very casually, matter-of-factly and all in one breath. She would deliver the then she died part in all soberness after rambling on about how wonderful the person's decorations were for a Christmas party. It was all very alarming. But her depressing stories became more hilarious as she went on. For sickos like us at least. In fact, Nessa's friend Angela who was visiting, came back outside and just heard that last part But then her husband found her dead, and with a look of horror on her face was witness to Vanessa and I immediately bursting into the kind of laughter that sends you into fits of doing the bucking bronco- and she didn't even know what to make of it all. I guess you really had to be there to hear all of the freak accident death stories to get the humor in it. Or maybe you have to be related to me. Not sure.
Or how about how Kathy told Vanessa and Sam that she gave her 6-year-old granddaughter an underdog while pushing her on her swingset and how she had plum just shoved her right out of the swing in the process. Luckily no serious injury took place. Then after deciding all together as mature responsible adults that 6 years old might be a little young to start doing underdogs on the swings, Vanessa spied Kathy pushing her 4-yea-old Leah on the swingset from the window. And before she knew it, that Kathy lost all control, and couldn't help herself. She had to give Leah an underdog, and again, shoved that little girl right out of the swing when it had reached its highest potential, and little Leah fell into a crumpled heap on the ground, while Kathy scurried over to her helping her up and brushing the dirt off of her. Oh man, that woman. I want to adopt her. Just so I can watch her all day long from behind her drapes and pee my pants laughing.
Another example of riveting entertainment. My sister-in-law and BFF Becky had her baby girl three weeks early this last week! Isn't that insane? Okay, that's not really that crazy. But, let me give you some details that will send your head spinning. We all got together last Sunday to have a little baby shower for Jason's cousin Carly, who shares a due date with Becky, and Becky had been to the doctor and was dilated already to a 3.5 but hadn't felt any contractions and said the baby hadn't even dropped. So we all sat around casually weighing in on when she would probably have the baby, yada yada yada, the way women do. She went to bed that night and woke up for the first time at 3:30 AM. And that baby was born at 4:50 AM. She woke up and felt a little stomach pain and thought it was a little gas pain, thought she just had to go to the bathroom, so she stumbled in and went and laid back down and tried to go back to sleep. The pain persisted and very shortly after, their car was screeching down the street Cruela Deville style to the hospital. They barely made it there in time. I told her the night before, "You better call me on your way to the hospital. I better not get the call after you have her." Well, she called me at 8 AM the next morning and said, "You have a new niece," to which I replied, "Just picture. haha." and she said, "I wish I could say I was kidding." And then my eyes bugged out of my head, naturally. She recounted the experience to me and several times during the conversation, I had to put the phone down and give my couch a good walloping. Repeatedly, I had to run and throw myself onto the couch and let myself just topple onto the floor after. Because I couldn't. believe. what I was hearing. I mean it was so sensational! Essentially she had dilated from a 3 to nearly a 10 in her sleep. IN HER SLEEP!!!! I always knew she was a deep sleeper, but you did what?! You know that black bears birth their cubs during hibernation? Yes- they are hibernating throughout the entire process. Cubs are born and just find their moms milk on their own and then come spring time mama bear wakes to a full on toddler bear cub.
I told her this disturbing and strange black bear trivia right there on the phone that morning. I mean really, Becky *could have* slept through it all and *could have* woken up to a toddler herself, and precious little Claire maybe would have just told her she was hungry and asked for a chicken nugget or something. Really folks, insane. This is the kind of birth story I hear about on TV but not in real life. Have you seen that show, "I didn't know I was pregnant"? When people roll out of bed and think they have to go to the bathroom and then they have their baby in the bathroom? I have always thought that show was so unbelievable. Like, to the point that I can't watch it because, oh my gosh for so many reasons. First of all, I don't know what resting in the restroom is like for you people!!! But I feel so SO sorry for you from the bottom of my heart if it feels anything like labor contractions!!! Second of all, my husband cannot watch that show. I can't allow it. My pregnancies, labors and deliveries happen to take a serious toll on me and if someone can go through 9 months of growing a human and thinking it's just a little indigestion?? And then wake in the night in full blown active labor and think it's gas?? I mean, Becky knew she was pregnant but still. I was hanging on to the thread of sympathy I had left in my husband this last pregnancy...trying to remember how much I love him when I'm not pregnant... if he finds out that some people... like his own sister.... can roll out of bed and have a baby a little over an hour after she wakes up.. and sleep through most of labor... what does that mean for my hours of wallowing around and crying while I'm contracting? What in the world?!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!?!?!??!
On a serious note, I haven't even met Claire yet because I came down with a little sinus infection this week and Jason has had something for work or his calling every single night. None of our little family has seen her, only pictures. And this is so depressing. She's absolutely perfect in every way and I need to go shower her with kisses and shower her mommy with praises and gifts for going through natural childbirth. I thought the whole, "it's too late for an epidural" thing was a conspiracy that granola midwifes and doulas came up with. But turns out, it's really true, folks. There really is a point of no return, as my sister Nessa found out and now my dear Becky. Isn't this Claire Morgan perfection? I love her so much. Claire, your aunty Mera loves you more than you know! And I can't wait to tell you your birth story when you get older. You know I'll give you the uncut version.
Alright. Well you might not see how any of the things I've written about this morning have anything to do with each other. You might wonder the purpose of this post. You might feel like it's just a bunch of unrelated rambling. And you'd be right. But still, this is my blog. And I think my life is pretty entertaining. Let me sign off by telling you a conversation I had with Lucy last night while putting my girls to bed. You see, I'm going up to Logan with all the fabulous women on Jason's side of the family to "Time Out For Women" (Women's conference type of event) today. Lucy and Scarlett were very alarmed when I told them I was going to anything entitled Time Out- thought I was in serious trouble. So in order for it to make sense to them, Jason told them, Mommy is going to classes for grown up women. So she can learn how to be a better mommy and wife. (yes, that's the purpose of all girls' weekends away, wink wink.) So Lucy has called it "Mommy School" since then. So we were talking last night and she said, "You're going to mommy school tomorrow. You need to find a daddy school so you can send daddy to it and you can stay with us." And then I asked her what she thought I should learn at mommy school; how I could be a better mommy. And she said, in her little 4 year old voice, You can learn not to talk in a mean voice when you're frustrated. You can learn to talk like Jesus wants you to talk. She actually said "frustrated". There you have it, folks. That one cut me straight to the heart. And then she told me I could make her french toast every time she asks for it. In fact, as I'm finishing this post she came down and first thing out of her mouth was, "Mom will you make me french toast?" and I looked over a few minutes later and she'd gotten this all out by herself.
Think she knows how to work it? Indeed. Thanks for tuning in.
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