Part 2: Glamorous motherhood

I know I just posted about some of the ridiculous happenings at our house but there is just too much good clean fun on a daily basis to let time go by without further documentation. The stars have aligned for me today and both angels are snoozing soundly right now, so I've gotta get down to the point. Naturally as soon as they were asleep, I ran over to this here computer to give you the goods.

I had a dream the other day and I woke up in cold sweat from it. I was at this fancy celebrity banquet or dinner party or something, and I was the hired help. I was wearing black slacks (high waisted, pocketless bum- really flattering), a white collared shirt with a black bow tie in fact, carrying around a tray of delicious hors d'oeuvres, (btw, I just looked up how to spell hors d'oeuvres and the online dictionary I stumbled onto says, "Hors d'oeuvres is a French term for an appetizer. They can be olives, canapes, or pigs in a blanket." Pigs in a blanket?!? Who serves pigs in a blanket? And who says that anyway? Anyone? Thank you, I didn't know what appetizer meant. And by explaining they could include pigs in a blanket, I know exactly what you're referring to). In my dream I kept getting in trouble, because I kept sneaking into the kitchen to eat the food. I was way ashamed and kept thinking, "What is my problem?!" I was also in the back, feeling a little mopey because I'd just seen Cameron Diaz and I couldn't even act like I think I'm as good as she is (because I do think that), I had to just cower and keep my mouth shut and serve her. Then suddenly, this other waitress girl came in, gasped, and was like, "WHAT IS THAT??" pointing to my back. I looked back and much to my horror there was an oozing mustard yellow substance seeping through my clothes all up my back. I was trying to defend myself and tell them I didn't know how it got there, and everyone was way grossed out, including me. Apparently I'd had a little accident and didn't realize it, and apparently my diet had been strictly milk and/or formula. Hmm. If you've never mothered a newbie and don't know what I'm talking about, Scarlett is more than happy to give you a demonstration. Pretty much every single time we go into public, she'll give you one.

Can you tell baby blowouts are pretty much running my life these days? Enough to have nightmares about them?? Ridiculous.

Okay, next. I walked into the kitchen the other day and almost peed my pants when I came face to face with this little guy staring into my soul from the other side of the counter:

Creepy. This doll makes me jump and scream 5 times a day because at first glance I always think it's Scarlett, and that Lucy has finally had her way with her. Thankfully, it's only been this poor doll every time. As I cautiously approached, I realized it was a gorier scene than I'd originally concluded.

Poor thing's tied up and gagged with guacamole. At least she flung some in its hair as well to give it some extra shine.

Next, same night. I am closing down shop for the evening when I realize the garage door has been left open. As I'm closing it, I spot Lucy's tricycle out in our driveway. So I run out and grab it and pull it inside. Something tells me to check the top secret storage compartment under the seat. And this is what I find:

Our HD video camera stashed away for a rainy day. She keeps this behavior up, she'll be the family bread winner in no time.

Next:

Perusing the baby section in Ross Dress for Less today for a little fun when on my way out I take a stroll through the shoe section (can't help myself). I take 5 steps away from our cart to look down an isle and come back 5 seconds later to this:

Lucy was looking like her usual guilty self sitting angelically in the front seat of the cart, but it must have been 15 pairs of shoes throw in on Scarlett. And yes, she was drooling and doing her best to chew on one. And I put it back. So maybe if you're lucky, you could purchase that exact pair.

This happened just moments after I had been looking through some things and had overheard Lucy busting up. So cute when they laugh and play together I'm thinking. Until I notice a little dry heave sound going along with Lucy's laughter. So I walk briskly over to find Lucy shoving her fingers down Scarlett's throat, gagging her and having herself a good ol time. What the H is your problem Lucy?! I may or may not have said a little too loudly.

Among other news, this little angel has started rice cereal (so over the moon adorable when they're starting out):

...while this little angel somehow got the family size can of ovaltine down from the pantry and downed a few spoonfuls of the powdered mix, and apparently licked all around her lips while doing so:

These two sure ruin a lot of things... like books and carpet and their wardrobe and mine and so much more, but they make our house a home. Especially the crayon on the wall.

And P.S. One more for the road. I texted this pic over to Jason and my sisters the other day because these happen to be the squishiest, most kissable legs on the planet:

And I'm happy to report that both my older sister AND my husband thought these were my legs at first glance. Maybe they thought I was showing off some new swimsuit bottoms I bought, the Mickey Mouse diaper looking ones. Or showing off how toned I've become recently, only having one mid thigh and one ankle crease as opposed to many. Either way, I was flattered.