Social self destruction is my game.

Don't know quite what my deal is. But I'm quite confident that I'm required to put my foot in my mouth a lot more often than you. I'd bet on it if I were a bettin' woman. I'm ridiculous. Remember this little gem of a story? Yeah... I should be kept from conversing with people. At all times.

I went to the gym this morning. I'm not tooting any horn here, it was the first time in several months and I was wheezing and sputtering the entire time on the treadmill going a whopping 4 mph for 20 minutes. Of course I feel embarrassed about going so slow since the old lady next to me is making the earth shake with her olympic sprinting so I have to limp on one leg or something so everyone will think, Wow look how dedicated she is to staying physically active even with a leg injury and they'll admire me a lot. Then I like to lay flat on my back and pretend to stretch out long and hard in between cardio machines (in truth laying down from exhaustion) and when people pass me I say, "This is what my physical therapist says I have to do... with the injury and all... can you believe that guy?!" and let out a good hardy chuckle. It's pretty convincing.

*If you do see me at the gym limping on the treadmill or laying down on the ground from exhaustion and you wanna try to act like a big shot and call me out on it, I'll act like I have no idea what you're talking about. And I'll make you look like an insensitive fool. So don't try to act like a big shot.*

Anyway as I'm walking in I spot a guy that I used to know pretty well from school. He was in my math study group and we were all good friends in that class and I used to give him dating advice, because I was a newly wed and knew (and still know) everything there is to know about dating and games and such. So we say hey!! and how ya doin' and how ya been and all that jazz and then the conversation ensues as follows:

Him: I remember you were just barely pregnant, what did you end up having? Me: A little girl, we actually have two little girls now if you can believe that much time has passed. Him: What?!? Wow congratulations, I guess I'm not surprised. Me: (at this point what I intend to say is, yeah we stay busy but instead I say: Yeah, we get busy with a big smile on my face, nodding my head casually. He let out an awkward little laugh and then I immediately furrowed my brow like I smelled something rotting and said, "Good to run into you!" and walked immediately away as quickly as possible. I have to retreat when this happens.

I avoided him the rest of the time, did my 5 lunges and 5 sit ups and got outta there. I told my husband when I got home about my encounter to which he simply said, "What is wrong with you?"

Maybe I should see a therapist. Maybe I should tell doc that I can't keep myself from making sexual innuendos in inappropriate settings with inappropriate people. I'm not a closet pervert. I promise. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Oh well. Here's to gettin' busy! And the results:

Grammy and Papa came down for the weekend and happened to bring cousin Carson along too. It was wonderful. These two are best friends. See? She's crying because we told her Carson couldn't move in with us. I'm pretty sure that's why. And look at what a peach he is, comforting her in her time of need. Love it.

We wanted to watch a movie so had to build a fort of distraction for the munchkins. And deliver up the I-phones for puzzle games.

The movie that we had to watch was Eclipse btw. And I ended up putting Lucy to bed and Grammy put Carson to bed and for most of the movie it was just Papa and Jason watching the third Twilight movie together. And everything was right in the world.

Lucy kept saying, "There's no hair!" Papa's got pretty much the coolest feature in the world to her.

Oh, and Lucy is going through a major princess stint. Probably won't end for some time, since mine hasn't yet. Her favorite one is daddy. Loves him.

He's the best. Really.

The latest.

Ugh. Lucy is watching Charlotte's web right now... has there ever been a single character in the history of animated characters more annoying than Wilbur? Everything about that stinking pig drives me nuts. He's just so pathetic, he does nothing for himself the entire movie... just sits around feeling sorry for himself. And his voice! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! Stop your whining! You're dyin'! Now get in mah belleh Wilbur! He chaps me. Really really chaps me.

We got home from Arizona last night, and it was a lovely time we spent there. Lovely. I wanna move there so bad every time we go there in January. It was sublime. My sisters and I spend a lot of time fantasizing about living down the street from each other. We're plotting. But I do have a story for you. Oh yes, always a story. But maybe only other moms will relate to this story. Because it was a bit mortifying for me. Gather 'round, get your blankies and warm milk. It's story time again.

So Saturday night Jason and me, my sister Bethany and her husband Walid decide to go out for a night on the town. (We ended up driving around their neighborhood hanging out the car windows bashing in mailboxes all night but that's a whole different blog post, folks. We're so crazy!) Ok seriously, we went to dinner. Went to dinner for some good ol' fashioned adult conversation and delicious grub (and by adult, I mean X-rated. Why does it seem like that every time the word adult is involved?). So Beth had arranged the babysitting and was excited to get two 15 year old girls in her ward (church) who babysit for their family quite frequently. And these twins are such peaches, sweetest girls on earth. We made the reservation late, close to 8:00 so I could get Scarlett down for the night and the rest of the munchkins would be close to bedtime as well. Well one of the sisters ended up not feeling well, so just one of them came over. We were a tad wary about this since Bethany has 4 kids (ages 3 to 9) and I have 2. We were reassured over and over again (these twins are the oldest of 6 kids) and Bethany even talked to her mom and she said she would come over if things got tough at all. So we left. Scarlett was sleeping soundly, and the rest were watching a movie getting ready to retire for the evening as well. We get back to the house around 10:30 and are relieved (as you always are) to see that things appear to have gone well. 5 out of 6 of the kids are snoozing soundly. Before we even walk into the house, we spot Lucy like this through the front window which we aren't surprised by in the least. She'll sack out easily pretty much anywhere and everywhere except where we'd like her to.

I was a little surprised to see Scarlett awake. The babysitter was holding her on her hip when we walked in but she seemed content. No big deal. So I take Scarlett and Jason's taking pictures of Lucy snoozing on this chair and I'm getting ready to take baby back upstairs when I hear Bethany from the kitchen sympathetically say, "Are you gonna cry?" And then I see the poor girl burst into full body sobs. Face buried in hands, but clearly contorted under there from the hysterical weeping.... Bethany hugging her, trying to comfort her. I'm in shock and so confused and as I'm walking over to them concerned and heart going out to her, Bethany says, "Well, was it my kids?" to which she replies, "Your kids were perfect... It was those two," and points to Scarlett in my arms and to the general area where Lucy is, still sobbing. I let out an audible gasp, my jaw drops completely. And I immediately feel like I just peed my pants in public or something. Don't ask me why that's the only thing I can compare it to. But it was just SO awkward. The complaints I've had from have been so few and far between.... I think one other time there was something other than complete gushing... so I wanted to crawl into a hole. And this poor girl was bawling her eyes out. Over the bullying that came from my children. Apparently I'm that mother. Of those kids. Her voice kept echoing in my head, Your children were perfect... IT WAS THOSE TWO!!! So I try to put my arm around her and ask what in the world happened but she obviously feels awkward too because she really doesn't want to talk to me about it, just sortof avoids eye contact with me and talks to Beth. And that's okay, because she knows my sister and doesn't know me at all. So I just let my sister do the investigating. And I pace. That's right. I pace in a little circle around the two of them, soaking up every word and pretending like I'm not there making a plastered-on-awkward face... something like this... the entire time.

She tells Bethany that Lucy just kept screaming, "Go away!!" at her, which she does to me too when she's overtired and ornery. And Scarlett woke up in there and from the sounds of it, when she took her out it might as well have been a huge tarantula taking her out of her crib and trying to comfort her. A 6 foot tall tarantula with heinously harry legs and drool-covered pincers. So they both screamed at her for at least a good half hour, and Lucy probably added a few personal insults in as well. Maybe something about her outfit or hair style. I apologized at least three times but that poor girl was still crying when my brother-in-law took her home. And I sat there on the couch feeling like the worst mother ever, making ridiculous proclamations to my husband like,"See? We're never getting a babysitter again! Our kids are the worst!" My sister came back inside, we took one look at each other and had a huge tear streaming laugh attack over the awkwardness of it all. I want to send her flowers. Not my sister, the babysitter, whose name is also Beth. I do think I'll call her the next time we're down there though and ask to sit for us again, so she can see just how angelic my kids really are. And I'll probably have to pay my nieces and nephew off so they're hellions the next time. Or maybe I'd just have to have the candid camera crew set up at her house, filming her reaction to me asking her to babysit again, so we can all watch it later and laugh about it and hi-five several times.

Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. Here are just a few other pics of our long weekend. The Phoenix zoo was near empty Monday morning. Glorious. :)

Ummm... Isaiah Joseph, lady killer much? yes much.

Olivia and Isaiah

Like I said before... Watch out.

'

This is when a neighbor boy tried to take Lucy's scooter... I distinctly remember hearing, "oh no he di'ent."

Here's some from when Bethany asked me if I could do photo shoot of just her... I think we got some good head shots sister!

First bike ride

and Scarlett Marie. If I stand in the same place for longer than 6.5 seconds, inevitably I will look down to see this. She follows me around all day long and tries to scale me every chance she gets.

She melts me. A lot. But don't let her fool you. And don't ever say yes if I ask you to watch them for a couple hours.

January happenings

I've been missing you, blog. And maybe it hasn't been that long that we've been apart, but it better feel as long to you as it does to me because I'm not letting you have the upper hand in this relationship. Actually I don't even miss you that much. You just have some things of mine that I wanted to get back. What? Okay. I'll consider it. Maybe there is still a future for us. I feel better. Stop groveling. You know I couldn't really live without you.

The truth is, we have been busy, but when are we all not busy? Life is busy. So I guess that's not my excuse. But Scarlett is walking along the furniture, which is early for not even reaching 9 months. She's into everything. Her mobility makes my time for leisure harder to come by. But mostly, I've just been in a bit of a blogging funk. I've lost my groove, my mojo, and I'm hoping it'll come back to me sometime soon. In the mean time, I do have pictures. But bear with me, because like I said, my energy is zapped.

We recently checked into a cabin in Heber for a manager's retreat with hubby's work for some winter outdoor fun. Photo courtesy of Cassi Pope:

Due to Cassi's photographing expertise, this picture is such good quality that it looks fake to me. Like there's a green screen behind us and they photoshopped the snow in. Thanks Cass! Just look how cute she is.

I'm for sure the most hard-core sledder though. What you don't know is that dragging your legs to the side to slow the sled is definitely the funnest way to go, because it sprays constant snow into your face every inch of the way, and gives you one of those brain-freeze headaches. That's why Lucy's favorite driver is mom. If you could see past her gloves, her face is one of sheer joy.

As was mine:

headed back up for some more action!

We must have sent Scarlett zooming down at least a half a dozen times. Adrenaline junky this one.

After a day on the slopes with no nap (6:30 pm):

What you don't know about this is that this angelic picture was taken just moments before the biggest tantrum of her life, when I tried to pick her up and carry her into bed. Definitely the biggest. After an hour of screaming and physically assaulting me in our room, (and waking Scarlett up twice) here's a direct quote from the text I sent to Jason as he was out hi-fiving and laughing with everyone. (Actually he was grilling steaks for everyone, but for dramatic effect, the first just sounds better.) Back to text:

Still screaming. I don't have the patience for this. I'm going to knock her out. And I never ever want to do this again. Ever.

The last line was the most potent part of the text I think. Because it's just so ambiguous, that it makes me mysterious and sexy. What exactly don't I ever want to do again? Put her to bed? Stay at a cabin? Eat steak and corn on the cob? Hang out with friends? Wear that particular outfit? We'll never know.

I also told him, And I don't want to play games! Count me out!! Because logically, when I'm at my limit with one or both children, I need to punish the person who helped me create them for it... and of course me not participating in games would be the ultimate punishment for my husband.

Lucky for me, it was an empty threat, because Rollick is our new game of choice when it comes to parties:

I think this one has something to do with a body part... No, nevermind I'm reading into it totally wrong...

A more awkward position there never was:

Like charades, but better. Look into it. You won't regret it.

In other news the sunny 50 degrees that we've had lately has definitely been enough to put a little extra skip in my step. Is that the expression? It definitely's been enough to put a hop in my wobble. Whatever.

Aimei and Max are visiting and you would think these two little tykes had never seen the sun before when we got out for an afternoon stroll. Holding each other, tears of joy freely flowing:

Oh, and Lucy started gymnastics!!! Loves it about more than anything. Except chocolate milk. She thanked Heavenly Father for chocolate milk in the first prayer that she decided she wanted to take control of. We are yet to hear gymnastics mentioned during prayers but I'm sure it's around the corner. Back to it!

Max on the beam like a pro:

Daddy is her favorite coach. He tells her, get your head in the game! Whenever she thinks she can goof off. And makes her respond to him, "Yes sensei."

P.S. This was totally unplanned btw. When I saw her walk into the crowded room, I was so embarrassed I spent most of the day trying to avoid her. But then when we both went for the punch bowl at the same time, the awkwardness had reached it's peak. So we decided to laugh it off and pose for a pic.

And P.P.S. She's too big too fast. Mothers of one out there, it all goes by 100 times faster with the second. I'm afraid for what it's like with the next ones.

Life is beautiful. Love you, blog. Glad we're back together after these last few weeks of tension between us. After all, this is my 200th blog post. Happy anniversary to us!