Glamorous motherhood.

*Warning: Spoiler alert! And by spoiler alert, I mean if you and your husband are thinking about having babies soon, proceed with caution. Another warning, this will most likely be incoherent rambling. Because I'm half asleep as I sit here. You would be, too. Don't you judge.*

She looks innocent enough, right? But not enough to me. Because I'm nobody's fool. Not even her fool. It's tempting though.

I said, "no-no" a total of 738 times today. I'm starting to get annoyed hearing myself say it. I considered telling her "no-no," in spanish, my other lingo, but it's the same stupid thing. Ugh. I don't want to be at war with my two year old. But she's learned to fling herself out of her crib these last few days, and she is out before I even hit her bedroom door. So nap time and bedtime have been SOOOO fun at our house. Who am I kidding, there has been no nap time. Because I can't keep putting her back into her crib...over and over and over for a solid 2 hours straight and keep my sanity. Sometimes she will even trick me. She'll be silent for like 10 minutes straight. And I'll think she's fallen asleep. And then I peak in on her from my phone via her bedroom camera, and will find this:

Yeah she definitely looks like she 's on her way to slumberland.

Then it's immediately followed by this:

And I hear a thud and know she's jumped out.

We've also tried resorting to this: (Note mother's legs on the floor).

But it's also proven unsuccessful. She won't jump out while I'm in there, but is simply too thrilled with having me sacked out on her bedroom floor to even think about laying down herself. So we've been scuffling and in the end, turns out she hasn't been napping at all these last few days. Which means by 5:00 pm I have a VERY surly little mini on my hands. (Crib tent should be here by tomorrow. Hope it's here by tomorrow please).

So after said 2 hours of WWEing it with Lucy in her crib this afternoon and coming away frazzled and defeated, I'm changing Scarlett's diaper and I find 3 whole undigested craisins. (You're not a good mother unless you're inspecting the contents of the dirty diapers of your infants, didn't you know?). That's right- craisins. They are hard to miss in a strictly breastmilk fed baby. She's 5 months old people. Looks like we are skipping rice cereal and heading straight for the dried fruit. Almost as easy to digest as mom's milk. And then I have to sit there, close my eyes and count to 10 in my head. More like to 150. And I wonder how on earth this could happen and how it could be humanly possible for me to keep an even closer eye on Lucy than I'm already doing. And I'm feeling my eyes well with tears, thankful tears to the Lord that there wasn't a choking incident with these craisins. And frustrated tears because my patience is running on empty. Running on fumes by this point. And exhausted tears because Lucy came into our room in the middle of the night last night. (Would not stop crying, poor thing had a tummy ache I think, and as soon as she was loved up and calmed down and back to sleep, Scarlett was awake and crying. They are both really congested right now, so it's a ludicrous number of times we're waking as of late).

And as I sat there shedding those tears for all those reasons, I ate the craisins.

Just kidding. I can't believe you thought I'd do that. You crossed the line, you're so sick!

Oh, also among today's activities- Lucy climbed up into my linen closet and dumped out the contents of my sewing bag all over the floor. Needles and safety pins everywhere. And then when we were on the go running errands I got her a happy meal for lunch and she dumped the fries and chicken nuggets all over the back seat of the car and started pointing at it all, saying, "no-no, mommy!" Oh and sometimes I put Scarlett in Lucy's crib for her naps when they don't overlap with Lucy's (less commotion in Lucy's room so she gets a decent nap in) and today I was trying to just go pee, (CAN I JUST GO PEE WITHOUT THE HOUSE BURNING DOWN?!) and I finish up and look in on Scarlett to see this:

followed by watching Lucy jump in basically on top of her and then I hear Scarlett immediately start to wail.

Just look again at wee little Scarlett laying there peacefully and unsuspecting. Oh my heart.

And that's about when I turn into the Hulk and shred every last article of clothing I've got on.

Seriously? SER-I-OUS-LY. I have nothing more to say. Just that I'm going to bed already. And dishing myself a heaping bowl of ice cream to take to bed with me. And then once I've licked my wounds and licked the bowl clean I'm spooning it all night long.

P.S. While this little morsel is in fact innocent and angelic, she is picking up some cool tricks. Like having blow outs that run down her legs while simultaneously spitting up all over. How does she get the timing just right?! I'll never know.

P.P.S. I'm not complaining. Even though Lucy bullies me and mocks me all day long lately, she also takes the initiative and tells me she loves me 12 times a day. And I was trying on a really unflattering swimsuit the other day and she was thrilled with it. Gasped and ran over to me, reached up and started rubbing my tummy and saying, "So pretty mommy!" over and over. She didn't think the backside view was nearly as good, but still. And Scarlett is an angel child. Growing like a weed. And squeals and shrieks happily all day long. Even though when we went to Vegas I wore a huge spit up patch on my shoulder and down my back all day long and to dinner and didn't even know it. And I didn't have her with me. So it just looked like a bird flying over nailed me with perfect aim. (Way to be on that, husband!) Just want you to know I'm not complaining, because when Jason tells me to stop complaining, nothing enrages me more. P.P.P.S. Lucy is starting to really make her little sister laugh. Almost as much as she makes her cry. So we're headed in the right direction. Oh, and if you are thinking about having kids, you should. We of course are having more as well. A whole load more. The little dears.

Another quick story, and then I'm wrappin' this up! I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot the other day loading the car feeling like quitting my life because Scarlett had been screaming the whole time we were in the store and Lucy had been standing up over and over again in the cart when a little elderly lady came walking by us. I was hand wrestling Lucy at the moment, trying to unload our cart and Scarlett was still crying. She asked if she could take a peak in the car seat and then she got really emotional. Really, she started crying right then and there saying how beautiful my girls are, and that what a beautiful little family we had and, "Here I am crying because it's so beautiful! You're a beautiful mother! And doing a great job!" I was so caught off guard that I didn't even know how to respond so I did what any other woman in my shoes would do. I said nothing and stared at her blankly and then as she turned to walk away I yelled "thank you," after her and then burst into tears myself.

Onto my ice cream.