Bra versus swimsuit

We are almost done with traveling for this pregnancy. Which is good because we have a mere 6 weeks left before we are official parents of 2! Before we get to any weekend pictures from our little jaunt to California, I've got a goody to share. Mostly because I am inherently inappropriate. This story is not so much for posterity's sake, but more for comedy's sake. But maybe our posterity will find humor in the slightly inappropriate and will think it's funny too. So maybe it's for both.

Jason, Lucy and I were enjoying the pool and sunshine at our hotel on Saturday afternoon and there was a little girl about 3 or 4 years old who took a liking to Lucy. They were being really cute together. Her mom was laying out poolside gossiping with her girlfriend about other girlfriends of theirs, so we made mom small talk about our girls (you know the drill) and that was about that. (I did eavesdrop on some of the gossip, and as juicy as it was I was glad not to have any girlfriends with the kind of drama they were talking about.) I was sitting poolside fairly close to where they were, letting my legs dangle in the water while Jason and Lucy were both in the pool. I noticed part-way through the conversation that the mom's girlfriend had jeans on, and, on second glance, I noticed a little lace on her bikini top. Hmm. That's odd. I'm not so sure that's a swimsuit I thought to myself, but would she really be laying out in her bra? Just out in public like that? Maybe she just thought, 'no one will notice', or, 'it's basically the same thing.' I didn't have my sunglasses on, so there was no way I could appropriately blatantly stare at her boobs. So I was doing the shifty eyed glancing, darting my eyes around, sneaking a peak when and where I could do it inconspicuously. I concluded that I was pretty sure it was a bra, not certain, but pretty sure. But again, couldn't get away with staring long enough or directly enough to bet on it.

Later that night the following conversation took place between my dear husband and me:

Me (in tone of slight exasperation) : I think one of those women at the pool today was in her bra! (Expecting an "Oh really? Weird. Who does that? I didn't notice." Or even a, "Yeah, I thought maybe something was off about what she had on but didn't really care to figure it out." What I got instead was this: Him: Oh yeah! The black bra? It was definitely a bra. So weird! Me (after slight pause): Really. I'm glad you're so certain about this. Him: (not picking up on it, and sounding a little like Puddy from Seinfeld): Yeah I thought it was weird. Me: See, I wasn't absolutely certain if it was a bra or not, because I couldn't stare directly at her breasts long enough to know for sure. But you on the other hand, have no doubts. That's weird. Him(starting to laugh a little): Well, it's pretty obvious I think. Anyone would notice. A bra looks different than a swimsuit. And then I started thinking about that episode of Seinfeld when that woman wears her bra like it's a shirt. (Yeah that's right, Seinfeld reference number 2 of this paragraph.) Me: It's only obvious if you are staring. And you, my friend, were wearing sunglasses, which was exactly what I would have needed to get a good stare in. Did you notice she was also wearing jeans? Which was a little a-typical for laying poolside so maybe should have also drawn your attention. Him: I didn't notice. Me: So you were just so swept away in boobie land that you didn't even notice anything else? Him (laughing): Oh my gosh! Okay it would be one thing if that girl was even semi-attractive... Me: So it would be one thing if she was hot? What exactly is that "one thing" it would be? That I'd have reason to find this conversation interesting? So I should count my lucky stars that she wasn't "hot"? Him (laughing): You're freaking ridiculous! Me (laughing also): Just stop! You're not saying anything right!

Then I tried to make a comparison, a "Imagine if some guy..." blah blah blah and reverse the roles but he responded with, "Please! You can't tell me if a guy was wearing underwear and not a swimsuit that you wouldn't have noticed!" which was a zinger. But then I came to the conclusion that you just can't do that in this situation. Because women do not sit poolside and ogle over men the way men do over women, (I'm not saying my husband was ogling, I'm just saying men in general). Our natures are just too fundamentally different to draw any kind of comparison. He tried to tell me, "Just because you don't do it doesn't mean women don't, plenty of women sit poolside with their girlfriends and say stuff like mmm. break me off a piece of that!" about some guy with a nice body. And then I laughed some more. And I said, "Oh really? So we're the same? How many women buy magazines with pictures of naked men in them in our world today?" And that was about where we agreed.

Maybe I should have just settled it earlier. Maybe I should have figured he was noticing the same thing, and gone up to her and said something like, "Excuse me Miss, but my husband and I... yeah.. that one over there... that's him, standing over there in the corner of the pool looking at us... well we were just wondering if that's a bra you've got on or a swimsuit, because we were both thinking you got a little mixed up and it's actually a bra." I wonder what she would have said.

While this exchange between my dear one and me was entirely good natured, and we laughed lots about it, sometimes I feel sorry for that chap I married. Because, big deal that he noticed. Really it wasn't a big deal, I never thought it was. Anyone would have noticed because who wears a bra to lay out at the pool? Do I think he should have lied and say he didn't notice? Not at all. Mostly, I think he just shouldn't have said it with so much conviction, that's all. :) But how could he have known he wasn't supposed to come across like he was so certain it was a bra and not a bikini? How did he know he wasn't supposed to come across with such bra expertise? That he's not supposed to be the bra champion of all champions? Now at least I know who to make come with me the next time I go bra shopping. Poor, poor chap. I sure do love him.

Nobody can stop an early morning hoovering of waffles with whipped cream and fresh berries. Nobody!!