I have no blogging juices flowing right now. Just wanted to let you know I am not attempting to entertain or inspire in this post. My brain is complete mush. I've been spacing out staring at the wall blankly, and I just got no juice. Forgive me. However, for journaling sake I did want to post a little something. This week we had my brother Jesse's little boy stay with us for 4 days. His mama had surgery so we lucked out and got to have Carson. :) (Thank you Cindy for letting him stay!) My mom is here in town and Vanessa, Sam and Leah flew into town as well! Carson is 3 years old, and is identical to Jesse. Literally every facial expression he makes I have seen Jesse make. Every time I look into his face, I see my brother. It was so fun having him here.
If you didn't know Jess, I don't know if you can see the resemblance or not from these pics. These were taken a couple years ago. And Carson's hair has darkened up so much since then. He has such a little angel face.
The cousins ADORED each other. They were hilarious. Carson yelled, "Luuuuuuu-cy" throughout the house at least 7 times a day. I think one of my favorite parts was seeing him with his uncle Jason. As soon as he'd get home from work he would be crawling up into his lap just to watch TV with him or read a book. It was really sweet. And yes, we let the kids finger paint with crisco if you're wondering how on earth the window could be so dirty. Stop your judging!
Grieving a sibling's death has been and continues to be a strange process. Sometimes it feels like people you interact with forget about it when you're the person who has someone so close pass away. It's okay if they do, most days I don't want to dwell on it either. It just takes a lot of time. The grief hits in waves. I'm sure it's like that for everyone who's been through it. It's been almost 4 months and sometimes it feels so much longer than that yet sometimes so much shorter. Time is weird. What I have noticed is that my capacity to feel has heightened and deepended because of the experience. Sometimes I feel so much joy just being around the people I love the most that I really do think my heart may burst out of my chest. I am in a state of constant awe at the amount of joy and happiness that we still are able to feel amidst hardships. I love my family so much. I think the Lord made this little Carson favor his daddy so we could have him around and feel like Jess is still here too. He is such a tender, sweet boy. We loved having him!
6 comments:
He DOES look just like Jesse! That first facial expression is 100% Jesse, but I have to tell you, the picture of him helping with a sink bath looks so much like Calum that I did a double take! Those Collard boys have some strong genes.
I'm glad you got to spend time with Carson, and I'm sure it makes you feel like part of Jesse is right there.
Mera- I love all those pics so much!! Carson is so darling. I loved hearing that he got to spend time with you all.
As far as people forgetting- no one does, I promise :) I think it is more a matter of people not knowing the right thing to say and if it is appropriate to even talk about with you.
I think of you guys everyday. Love you so so much!!
These pics brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face... It is literally like I am looking at Jesse. So glad you all got to spend some time with Carson. He needs it just as much as you all do....... :)xoxo! -Mis
He is so adorable. It's probably so nice to spend some time with him. My heart still breaks for you and your family. Hang in there, I am thinking of you...
And for the record, I did not even notice that window til you said something!! I'm no judger!!
What a fun couple of days for you. Carson IS adorable -- he looks like he's got a lot of spunk.
I think it's so sweet that Jesse has a son, so that there's still a huge part of him physically present. You are doing such the right thing by making sure that you continue to be a presence in his life as best you can. It is funny how a death put everything into so much perspective...
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